Get Out of My Bog

Slacker Girl

2008-03-21T08:34:00.002-04:00

Well, I made it about six months this time before becoming a complete blog slacker. I think that's a new record. I have no excuse. I just didn't feel like writing. Also, I never write about anything except myself, and I'm starting to get bored with me. I can only imagine how the rest of you must feel.

I do have some exciting news, though. G and I bought a fabulous townhouse in the Alamo Heights area of San Antonio. It's walking distance to several restaurants, Starbucks, and Central Market. After living in the wasteland that is Fuquay-Varina for 3 years, I'm SOOOO happy to be moving to something approximating civilization.

On the downside, we have yet to sell our house in Fuquay-Varina. Anybody interested? I was just kidding when I said it was a wasteland. It's actually 'quaint!', 'rustic!', and 'Convenient to Ft. Bragg, Cary, and the Excellent Shopping and Dining Options of Downtown Raleigh!'. Sounds better, no?

If we don't sell this thing in a few months, we will soon be the proud owners of two houses, one of which we do not want. I'm not worried though. Gregg just won the Australian national lottery. And I won the Canadian lottery. Which is strange, because we didn't enter those, but whatever. Also, there is some chick in Africa who says that if I help her access 4 million dollars from a Swiss bank account, she'll give me half. So I have options, obviously. What I clearly do not have is a working spam filter.

Okay, I'm Not 24. I'm Old. Very Old.

2008-01-27T16:58:00.000-05:00

When I was in college the first time around, I very rarely paid attention in class. I doodled my name in large block letters, I daydreamed, I planned what I was going to eat for lunch. I usually managed to not fall asleep, but not always. Still, I was an excellent student, as least as far as my grades were concerned. I knew I would get good grades. I always did. Blessed with a ridiculously good memory, I knew that a good 36-hour cram session before the final would more than make up for my lack of attention in class. And who could blame me? The classes were so LONG, the material was so boring, and frankly, I just couldn't be bothered. Anyway, it seemed a far smarter option to cram all of my misery into the 36 hours before the exam than to deal with it on a daily basis. And that's pretty much how it went.

Interestingly, I'm finding that my current college experience is entirely the opposite. Classes are actually extremely interesting. I'm fascinated by the discussions, and the time flies by. I can't understand why my fellow students seem less than enthused, and I want to smack the stupid 20-year-old next to me who spends at least two thirds of the class doodling/sleeping/text messaging his stupid girlfriend. Furthermore, not only do I dislike the idea of spending 36 consecutive hours cramming for an exam, but I dislike the idea of spending 36 consecutive hours AWAKE. My mom says that this means I'm old, and for once, I think she may be right.

G says he thinks that people should not be able to go to college until they are old enough to appreciate it. We've deemed 'old enough' to be somewhere around the late 20s for most people. Anyway, I'm old enough to appreciate it, and unfortunately, old enough to think that I have already spent too much of my life studying and should not have to do it anymore. So I think that my grades might not be as good this time around, but I will most definitely have learned more. And that's the important thing. The difference between an A and a B really doesn't count for much in the real world. We old people know this.

If Anyone Asks, I'm 24.

2008-01-11T08:22:00.000-05:00

Yikes, it has been a frighteningly long time since I have been in college. This fact hit home on Monday, as I was sitting in a classroom full of 20-year olds at NC State. True to form, I did not talk to anyone or attempt to make any friends. I just enjoyed the class (and sat there and felt old). The class is Human Behavior, and I am very excited about it, as we get to conduct some elementary behavioral research projects that sound like great fun. Apparently, these projects will entail working in groups, so I supposed I will be forced to talk to some of my classmates before the semester is over. Should I be forced to tell them anything about myself, I plan to tell them that I am 24 years old and took a few years off after high school to travel around Europe. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, sorry it has been so long since I posted. I worked too much over the holidays, and then I got sick for a while, and then I went to Florida to enjoy some temps in the low 30s. I'm through with Florida, by the way. The last time I went to Florida (to get away from the rain in Tacoma) it was 50 degrees and raining in Orlando. Florida clearly hates me.

So the next few months should be pretty busy for me. I'm working three days at Trader Joe's and taking classes three days a week, and have already been asked to play on 4 tennis teams for the spring USTA season. It should be a pretty busy schedule, but I think I can handle it. I have tons of energy these days. It's probably because I'm so young.

Insomnia, Part 2

2007-12-23T01:46:00.000-05:00

Greetings and welcome to 1:46 am. I woke up inexplicably about 15 minutes ago with the certainty that there was absolutely no possibility of my getting back to sleep for the next few hours, so I have (wisely, I think) decided not to fight it.

Fortunately for my blog, I have nothing good DVR'd at the moment, because that has lately been taking priority over updating my site. I realize I've been a slacker about posting for the past few weeks, and I apologize for this. I just haven't been feeling very inspired to write lately. But because the thought of spending the next 6 hours staring at the ceiling trying to get back to sleep is far less appealing than blogging right now, I guess I'll give you a little update on what's been going on.

I'm currently working about four shifts per week at Trader Joe's. It is insanely busy. Yesterday's crowds brought back memories of opening day, with cash register lines half way to the back of the store. On roughly 200 occasions yesterday, I had to break the sad news to distraught customers that yes, we are out of Candy Cane Joe-Joes AND panettone, and no, they are not coming back until next holiday season. Happily, we still have plenty of the sea salt caramels, which in my opinion, are the best thing in the store right now. I'm not telling people this though, because then I will not be able to hog the entire inventory for myself.

In other news, I am playing on a winter World Team Tennis league. World Team Tennis is great fun, although I am not a big fan of the whole 'winter' part. I could actually do without winter entirely, which makes me happy that we are moving to San Antonio in six months. Spring USTA leagues start in March, and I have been recruited to play on two teams, both of which are really strong and have an excellent chance of going to playoffs. I haven't decided which one to pick yet, but it's nice to be popular, even if they only like me for my forehand.

So, two days until Christmas, and G and I have plans to do a whole lot of nothing. We don't have time to go back to PA to visit the relatives, so it is just the two of us. Also, we have made a deal with most of the family that we will not buy each other a bunch of crap that we don't need and will instead do something useful like make donations to charity. This is nice, because we are totally free from the shopping stress and crowds of insane holiday shoppers.

So far this holiday season, the extent of my charitable contributions has been a bag of food donated to the local food pantry. Among my donations were 7 Luna bars, a package of Asian spring roll wrappers and a can of vanilla whey protein powder. G had a good time making fun of me for the whey protein powder, and talking about all of the less fortunate people in our community who will not have to go without protein shakes thanks to me. But I don't care. I had way too many cans of protein powder, thanks to the Protein Shake Phase of March '06, and who knows, maybe the protein will be a welcome change from the 87,000 pounds of canned corn and bagged rice they get every year. I like to think of it as my personal quest to improve the macro nutrient ratios of the food pantry.

Well, I think that's it for now. I have successfully killed about 30 minutes, and I have no idea what I am going to do for the rest of the night, but I don't have much else to say at the moment, so I will now go watch infomercials. I hope you all have a lovely holiday.

Bring on the Margaritas

2007-12-17T15:18:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like we are moving to San Antonio. Although I was kind of thinking we would get DC, I'm happy with Texas. I've lately been thinking about all of the good things about San Antonio, and I don't think we've had a list in a while, so here is my list of reasons why I am glad to be moving to San Antonio.

1) Margaritas on the Riverwalk
2) Everything else on the Riverwalk
3) Sunshine and hot weather
4) It's not Fuquay-Varina
5) I like Mexican food
6) It's 30 minutes from one of the best tennis schools in the country
7) Palm trees (I like to live where there are palm trees. It makes me feel like I am on vacation)
8) I will have another license plate to add to my collection
9) Weekend trips to Santa Fe
10) Central Market

That's all I can think of for now, but I'll keep working on it. Suggestions for list additions welcome.

Tastykakes at the Wawa: A Tribute to My Home State

2007-12-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

Now that I have been out of Pennsylvania for about fifteen years, I feel that I have finally gained the perspective necessary to appreciate my mid-atlantic roots, and to celebrate some of the best things that my home state has to offer. Foremost among these offerings are Tastykakes and Wawa.

G and I returned from our Trip to NY and NJ yesterday, and though we only briefly passed through Pennsylvania, we did not pass up the opportunity to sing the Tastykake theme song six times in the taxi on the way to the train station in Philadelphia. We also visited Wawa (now conveniently located in several states throughout the mid-atlantic region) at least twice a day during our three days in New Jersey. I cannot fully express the joy and awe of the experience that is Wawa, but if you've been to one, then you know.

First, there is the coffee - The best $1.08 you will ever spend. It comes in about 15 fabulous flavors, is always hot and consistently wonderful. Then there is the complete selection of that beloved Philadelphia staple, the Tastykake. Truth be told, I don't think I have actually eaten a Tastykake since 1985, but I love the memory of them. Those Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes were good. So good, in fact, that I am willing to overlook the intentional misspellings in the name, which I would normally consider to be stupid and exceedingly annoying. Rounding out the Wawa experience is the cool laser gun video game noise that the checkout scanning machines make when they zap your purchases. Yes, Wawa is a wonderful, happy place, and pretty much the only thing to look forward to on the drive between Philadelphia and Avalon, New Jersey. Although singing the Tastytkake song is fun too.

So I guess I should report on the trip to NYC, and I plan to do so, but that will have to wait for my next post. It was great fun though. Really, really, really cold, but fun. There was lots of good eating and lots of walking, and some purchasing of new shoes because it turns out that none of mine were comfortable enough to walk around in all day. Also, I learned that if I was cool and young and trendy, I would be wearing skinny jeans tucked into Ugg boots. Sadly, it appears that I am none of these things. But more on that later.

I'm Just Here for the Food

2007-11-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

G and I are going to NYC on Sunday. I'm very excited about this, as I have not been to a major city in a while (Raleigh doesn't count) and I haven't been to New York since 1998. I have a feeling things have changed a bit since then. This vacation started out as a trip to New Jersey to visit G's grandma, and morphed into a vacation in the city, as we like to take every available opportunity to have a vacation. So we are still going to visit G's grandma. We are just going to spend a few days in New York first.

We're staying at the W in New York. I'm extremely excited about this. I've heard that W hotels are very cool and this will be my first time staying at one. We traded in some of our three billion Starwood hotel points to get the room, which was fun and exciting. It's nice not to have to spend actual money on a hotel room. It's also nice to be rewarded for all of the effort I put into charging things on my Starwood Points American Express card.

So the extremely critical question of the day is - which Bobby Flay restaurant do I go to first? In fact, my only concern about this trip is that four days may not give me the time I need to eat my way through the entire city. I only have a limited amount of stomach space. However, I plan to compensate for this by walking constantly the entire time I am there. That way, I can burn lots of calories so I have room to stuff in more calories.

Other than eating, we don't really have any specific plans for the trip. Specific plans are for type-A obsessive compulsive control freaks, and I'm trying to not be one of those anymore. So we'll probably do some shopping and some people watching and some tourist stuff. I do want to see the World Trade Center Memorial while I'm there. And possibly camp out at Studio 1A in Rockefeller Plaza so I can get on TV with Al Roker and Matt Lauer. I should bring a big cheesy sign saying hello to all the good folks in Fuquay-Varina, NC. They seem to love to talk to country hicks on vacation in the big city, and sadly, I think living in Fuquay may qualify me as one.

So look out New York - I'll be there on Sunday. You might want to start stocking up on the bagels now.

Happy Birthday to G!

2007-11-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday wishes to G, who turns 35 today. He is now old enough to run for President, so that's exciting. I don't think he'll do that, though. G is way too smart to want to be President. He is at work today, of course, which is where he usually is at 1:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, and I have the day off, so I am hanging out at home being bored. Days off always sound so good to me, until I get about 3 hours into them and remember that I hate free time. That's weird, I know. But I am now convinced that my decision to pick up four shifts at Trader Joe's this week was a wise one. I'm working again tomorrow and looking forward to it.

Anyway, back to G. He woke me up at 5am this morning singing 'Happy Birthday' to himself, except with amended lyrics. I think it went something like this:

Happy Birthday to Me
My name is G
I love my dog
And he's almost three

I thought it was pretty creative, especially for 5am. And it's true - Laszlo turns three on December 3rd. There will most likely be a big celebration for this, involving party hats and a cake from Three Dog Bakery.

I think it's funny that G actually calls himself G now. I've been calling him G for practically as long as I've known him, because I've never met anyone with so many Gs in his name which, if you didn't know, is Gregg Gordon Gerasimon.

Since I met G nine years ago, he has now been putting up with me for more than one quarter of his life. This is harder than you will ever know. So G definitely deserves the best birthday ever. I hope he gets it.

If I Start Watching Lifetime Televison, Someone Please Shoot Me

2007-11-19T18:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got bored with hanging out at home now that my job at United Way has ended. What I didn't realize was that the time was going to be three hours and 42 minutes. But I am the (self-proclaimed) World Champion of Boredom, after all. I have to live up to my title.

So Wednesday was my last day at United Way. When I left, the gold sparkly cube letters announced the parting message, "Kira Gerasimon is Done." I thought it was a nice touch. I spent the past weekend hanging out in San Antonio while G attended an Army medical conference. We had a fun weekend, and lots of good food and drinks on the riverwalk, and we spent some time looking at possible places to live. And then we came back and G changed his first choice of location next year from San Antonio to DC. We've come to the conclusion that we are city folk and we need to be where stuff happens (stuff other than flea markets and tractor pulls and Nascar events). So even though it is going to cost a million bajillion dollars, we are hoping to get assigned to DC and live right smack in the middle of Georgetown. It will be harder for us to get bored that way.

And speaking of bored, I made it until about 11:15 this morning before I decided that I had absolutely nothing to do with myself. I went to the gym and unpacked and did some much needed cleaning and made lunch and then I watched some DVR'd crap on television. I managed to pry myself off the couch around 3pm in order to get the ingredients for the pumpkin soup G wanted for dinner. I did not, however, have the energy to put on normal clothing and instead went to Harris Teeter wearing a pair of turquoise Adidas track pants and my bright red high school softball sweatshirt circa 1989 in size 3XL. No, I was never that big, but at some point I apparently thought this shirt was attractive, which is truly frightening. In fact, my red softball shirt is second in ugliness only to my Yale sweatshirt, also from 1989 (apparently a banner year in fashion for me.) I wear the Yale sweatshirt solely to torment G, who is so offended by its ugliness that I'm surprised he hasn't yet given it to Laszlo as a chew toy. Not only is the shirt 18 years old and four sizes too big, but also torn, stained and faded. And to top it off, it's a YALE shirt, and as a Princeton graduate, G is morally obligated to hate Yale and all associated paraphernalia.

Anyway, it's now 6:30 and the pumpkin soup is simmering on the stove, and I'm still wearing the ugly sweatshirt, and writing this blog post about nothing is possibly the most productive thing I've done all day. This does not bode well for the rest of the week. But I will soon be going back to a busier schedule at Trader Joe's, and I'm officially registered at NC State for the spring semester, so I just have to ward off the boredom for the next two weeks. I'm going to start by searching online for a place to live in DC that costs less than $4000 per month. That should keep me busy for a while.

Roll Call - Anybody Out There?

2007-11-09T08:20:00.000-05:00

Remember when I wrote that I didn't care if anyone read this blog and I was just writing for my own personal enjoyment? Well, that was complete crap. I need external validation, preferably in the form of blog comments, so I am calling all lurkers to come out and say hello. Of course, my regular comment posters are welcome as well (all three of you).

So if you stumbled over here after doing a random Google search on Wellbutrin, or if you wandered over here from Michelle's site (where I think the majority of my traffic comes from these days) or if you are a friend of mine who checks out my blog on occasion, feel free to identify yourself and send some external validation my way.

G has suggested that the reason I don't get many comments on this blog is the fact that I don't write about too many things that can generate any kind of meaningful discussion (i.e. I write about myself too much and this is boring and selfish.) Fair enough. We can't all get 4 million hits per day while writing funny things about the mundane details of our life. I think Dooce cornered the market on that one. And she's funnier than I am.

I'm not sure I'm ready to start debating political issues or discussing current events here though, as this would probably require me to pay attention to political issues and current events, and that would cut into my rerun watching time (I'm trying to get caught up on 'The Office'. I got a late start.) But I have made an effort to think of some other topics I could write about in future posts. I have not come up with any yet, but I think I deserve some points for making the effort. I'll keep working on it, and in the meantime, there will be more posts about me, my life, my job, my dog, my car, my tennis team, and my antidepressant meds. If you would like to comment on any of the aforementioned, please feel free. Thank you and have a nice day.

Why I Am Not in Charge of Car Maintenance

2007-11-02T12:00:00.000-04:00

“Are you getting any more warning messages in the car since you took it in for service?”

“I don’t think so”

“You don’t think so?”

“Well, I don’t actually pay a lot of attention to those, but I don’t recall seeing any.”

“You’re not getting the message about the license plate lamp?”

“No, I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

“What about the one that says ‘Reduce Engine Oil’? Are you getting that one?”

“Nope. Not getting that one either.”

“And did they fix that plastic shield on the bottom of the car?”

“I assume so, but I did not get under the car and look.”

“Did they tell you why they put too much oil in last time?”

“You know, I forgot – I actually am getting another warning message.”

“You are?”

“It says ‘Your Husband is Being a Pain in the Ass.”

Untitled

2007-10-29T16:13:00.000-04:00

I’ve been sitting here for the past 17 minutes staring at the wall and trying to come up with a title for this post. I give up. I was considering giving up on the post altogether, but then I will have nothing else to do all afternoon, and this will be very bad and depressing. I’m bored with my gold sparkly cube letters (which currently say “Kira Gerasimon is”). I had all kinds of great ideas for what to put up there next, but all of my ideas require an ‘n’ and I seem to have misplaced mine, which is very annoying. So today I have decided to just be. It’s a very serene and zen-like thing to do, I think.

So Laszlo and I had a nice weekend by ourselves. We did some running and some eating and some lounging on the sofa watching television. And we also briefly considered making water balloons and throwing them out the upstairs window at the neighbors’ annoying children who were running around screaming outside. But we finally decided against that, as we are far too mature and responsible for such childish antics. Or at least Laszlo is.

G was in DC this weekend running the Marine Corps Marathon. He finished in 3 hours and 30 minutes. As a marathon-finishing present, I bought an ice cream cake and some of those candy letters (the kind that come in a pack containing one of each letter of the alphabet plus ‘happy birthday.’) Thanks to my amazing grasp of the English language, I was able to create the message ‘G RAN FAST’, to put on the cake, and I was quite pleased with this.

I spent the rest of yesterday watching cooking shows on television, and further amused myself by keeping track of all the stupid things Nigella said. My personal favorite: “Wherever I am, a bag of frozen peas is never far behind.” I feel the same way about Frosted Flakes.

This coming week, I will be doing several noteworthy things, including picking up roughly $90,000 in United Way pledges and making the all-important decision of what kind of Halloween candy to give to the annoying neighborhood children. If I am feeling particularly evil, I may give out little boxes of raisins. Serves them right for upsetting my dog.

Just Because I Was Tired of Looking at That Last Post...

2007-10-22T13:54:00.000-04:00

...and also because Cleveland lost, I thought I should put something else up here. I guess I’m now a Rockies fan, as I am irritated at the Red Sox for beating Cleveland. Plus, it seems to me that Red Sox fans are rapidly becoming as obnoxious as Yankee fans. That’s what happens when your team wins too much. We Orioles fans don’t have this problem.

So it has been pretty uneventful in my world lately. I did lose part of the front of my car the other morning, so that was exciting. It was a non-essential part: that little black grill thingy that goes under the front bumper. This was the second time it has fallen off. The first occurred after an overzealous parking job by G. But not to worry, I stuck it back on and felt very resourceful and self-sufficient. They should mention this little detail in the Mercedes brochure. Periodically, parts of your car may fall off, and you will have to stick them back on. Yes, there is a reason I no longer work in marketing.

Oh, I almost forgot – I started playing the violin again. It’s been a little over ten years now, so my skill level has declined considerably. The music I used to play is way too hard for me now, but I’m playing it anyway – just badly. G thinks it all sounds good though. Laszlo seems to be a bit more discriminating. He was barking indignantly as if he knew that I was butchering the lovely folk songs of Bela Bartok. Laszlo is Hungarian, like Bartok, so maybe he felt particularly strongly about this piece of music. Well, he’d better get over it, because there is much more bad violin playing to come. Stay tuned.

Go Cleveland!

2007-10-16T16:01:00.000-04:00

I’ve decided to jump on the Cleveland bandwagon for this MLB postseason. I miss having a team to root for, since the Orioles haven’t had a decent season in about ten years. Lately, I’ve taken to rooting for whoever is playing the Yankees, since I enjoy hating the Yankees almost as much as I enjoy liking any other team. And since Cleveland knocked the Yankees out of the playoffs, I am now a Cleveland fan. Also, my dad has been a Cleveland fan for about 60 years, and he is coming to visit today, so maybe he will make some room for me on the bandwagon.

In other news, the United Way campaign is going well, and I am a public speaking rockstar. One of our member agency directors called the United Way today to tell them that my speech was the best United Way speech she had ever heard. Also, I have come up with 7 more interesting things to spell on my cube wall with my gold sparkly letters. And – for the first time in two years – I can once again do a pull-up. Honestly, is there no end to my talents? Too bad I can't seem to hold a permanent job.

I’m currently reading a terrific book by Diane Vadino, who was one of the original McSweeney’s writers. If you’ve never been on the McSweeney’s website, you need to go there immediately. It’s basically a bunch of brilliant and funny people writing brilliant and funny things. I would like to write for them but, despite my aforementioned list of amazing accomplishments, I am neither brilliant nor funny enough to write for McSweeney’s. Anyway, the book is called ‘Smart Girls Like Me.’ You should get it. It’s funny, even if you are not a girl.

Well, time for me to go now. Last night’s DVRd episode of ‘The Hills’ is calling my name. Plus I have a ‘Go Cleveland!’ party to plan.

Kira Gerasimon is Boring

2007-10-08T14:40:00.000-04:00

If I had a ‘G’, I could write this on my cube wall with my sparkly gold letters. Alas, there is no G to be found. It’s true though. I’m very boring today. I have nothing interesting to say. But in addition to being boring, I am also bored, so I figured it might be a good opportunity to write a blog entry. I’ve decided not to be deterred by the fact that I have nothing interesting to say. Let’s face it, if having something interesting to say is a prerequisite for speaking, at least half of the people in the world should never open their mouths.

So anyway, G got his Audi smashed up by a teenage girl who doesn’t know how to drive. He is very upset about this. The Audi is now in the car hospital where it will be fixed up (we hope) and given a new radiator. In the meantime, G is driving a rental Taurus.

In other news, it’s about 95 degrees here today, which is getting to be a bit of a drag. I like fall, and I’m wondering if we are going to get any of it this year. Also, I want to get my Halloween pumpkin, but I need a nice cool fall day, as it feels ridiculous to be picking out a pumpkin when it is 95 degrees out. I have a really good view of the neighbors’ pool from the upstairs office window and I really want to go jump in it when they are not home. If we were friends with them, perhaps we would actually get invited over there. But as usual, we are friends with no one in our neighborhood. I’m not sure why this is, but I suspect it is because of one of the following:

A) We are scary and intimidating
B) We are antisocial
C) We are never home
D) We have absolutely nothing in common with any of them
E) We dislike North Carolina and make no effort to keep this a secret
F) Our lawn looks really bad, and it is lowering their property values
G) They hate our dog
H) Our dog hates their kids

Yeah, I think that about covers it. Maybe we’ll do better in Texas, where we will most likely be moving in about 8 months. Change is good.

Okay, that’s it. I’m done. I’ll try again when I come up with a good blog topic. Any suggestions?

The Sound of (awkward) Silence

2007-10-03T15:38:00.000-04:00

I just love networking events. They do so much to reinforce my belief that I am, in fact, socially inept. I always suspected this to be the case, but there is nothing like a good United Way Leadership Giving breakfast to confirm my belief. Honestly, I can think of nothing more painful than standing around at 7:30 am wearing an uncomfortable suit and talking to banking executives about the unseasonably warm weather for the fourteenth time this week. Believe it or not, I actually don’t find the unseasonably warm weather all that interesting. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I don’t care at all about the unseasonably warm weather. But discussing the weather seemed a safer option than trying to impress everyone with my amazing ability to gargle classical music. This actually went over quite well at Trader Joes, but when I do it during business meetings, people tend to give me funny looks.

Anyway, it’s over now and I can go back to my cube and be as unsociable as I want. The fact that this is a gigantic relief I think speaks to the fact that unsociability is not something I make an effort to convey, but is simply my natural state of being. I used to try to fight this, but I gave up a long time ago. I’ve found that it is much easier to find other hostile people and bond with them – which I guess makes us not so hostile after all, but whatever. I’m starting to confuse myself.

I’m beginning to be far less stressed out at work these days, which is nice, because it allows me to concentrate on my new favorite game: rearranging the gold sparkly letters that my co-workers used to spell ‘Kira Gerasimon’s Birthday’ on my cube wall back in August. I actually only have ‘SBIRTHDAY, because my name card on the wall provided the other letters necessary for that phrase. Anyway, I’ve been periodically rearranging those letters to read different things. So far, I have come up with:

Kira Gerasimon has dirt
Kira Gerasimon has no dirt
Kira Gerasimon is nerdy
Kira Gerasimon is bored
Kira Gerasimon is done
Kira Gerasimon, modernist
Kira Gerasimon in the mob
Kira Gerasimon dithers

I’m having excellent fun with this. If you have any suggestions for interesting things I can spell with the letters SBIRTHDAY, please submit them. They will most likely make the cube wall one of these days.

I think my creativity is definitely wasted in an office environment.

One for the Record Books

2007-09-27T05:02:00.001-04:00

I never thought it would happen, but I'm finally getting tired of hearing myself talk. I have twenty-nine meetings this week. Yes, twenty-nine. I'm sure that has to be some kind of a record. I'm actually only covering 17 of them myself, as I was unable to be present at the 6 simultaneous 8:30am meetings I had on Tuesday. Still, this is getting a bit crazy. The good news is, I am now able to give entire presentations while not paying one bit of attention to my speech and instead thinking things like 'Hmm.....should I stick with the old standby Char grilled Chicken Salad at Chick-Fil-A or throw caution to the wind and try the Southwest Char grilled Chicken Salad?' I'm not sure if this is a good thing.

Yesterday morning, I had to make a 55 mile drive out to Hillsborough to make a presentation at a bank branch at 8am. I was there an hour early, because you just never know about the traffic situation around here. I ended up having to kill time at Bojangles, because that was the only thing open. I went in to get some coffee and eat my breakfast (which I brought - I don't eat fried chicken for breakfast.) This was my first Bojangles experience, and though my southern friends rave about this place, I just don't get it. It apparently doesn't get me either, judging from the stares I got from the regular clients in line for their fried chicken biscuits. I guess they aren't used to seeing people in suits. Me and my organic protein bar felt very out of place.

Today should be an easier day, I think. Only 2 presentations scheduled and one afternoon meeting. I hoping to play some tennis tonight if I can find 3 other people. I haven't played since Sunday's league match. Which I won - yay! 4 and 0. It's good to be champion.

Well, I'm off to the gym. It opens in ten minutes and I like to be the first one there. Sorry I haven't been writing more frequently. It has been tough, what with the 29 meetings and all. I'll try to do better next week.

Because Everyone Needs a Little Yellow #5 in Their Diet

2007-09-20T19:46:00.000-04:00

I love candy corn. I love it for its artificially-colored, tooth-rotting, corn syrupy goodness. I love it because it's one of the first signs of fall, and it reminds me of years of fabulously creative Halloween costumes. I love it because it is delicious. I don't care that the ingredient list sounds like toxic waste, or that it would most likely survive a nuclear attack, or that I make myself sick eating it practically every year. That's part of the fun.

I haven't bought my candy corn yet this year. I generally prefer to wait until at least October, to get the full effect of the candy corn experience. Plus it gives me something to look forward to, other than the day when the Wellbutrin actually starts working. I'll wait until there is a lovely crisp fall day, and I will buy my candy corn and I will eat it. And I will wash it down with a pumpkin spice latte. And then I will spend the rest of the day complaining that my stomach hurts because I ate too much candy corn. But it must be done. Because it's tradition. And because it makes me happy. And these days, when I can find something that makes me happy that doesn't have a remote control or a Prada label and a $400 price tag, I go with it.

I Believe in Choosing Your Priorities Wisely (my NPR essay)

2007-09-16T06:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between two young women. They were discussing one of the favorite topics of women everywhere - weight loss. I don't know these women very well, but we work together on occasion, and I like them. They seem generally bright, friendly and fun. Neither of them needs to lose any weight, but that's not the point. It never is.

Their conversation was one that I've heard probably hundreds of times, but I was particularly struck by the following statement, made by one of the young women: "I just need to lose fifteen pounds," she said. "If I could lose fifteen pounds, I would be the happiest girl alive. I would be unstoppable."

And there were so many things I wanted to say. I would have started with "Really? Do you really, truly believe that? Because if the only thing preventing you from being unstoppable is fifteen pounds, you need to seriously reconsider the importance you are placing on fifteen pounds. You need to ask yourself why you are giving so much power to something so incredibly insignificant. Because there are a lot of real obstacles in this life, but this one is a choice. Why would you choose to be held back by something so dumb?"

But I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything because she is eighteen years old, and she just wouldn't get it. I didn't say anything because in my experience, this is a lesson that you learn the extremely hard way, or not at all. And I didn't say anything because sadly, this is what it means to be a woman in our society today. It means first losing the weight, and then being happy. It means working tirelessly and with fierce determination to make yourself look the 'right' way - and after that, maybe you'll think about asking for that promotion, or doing some volunteer work, or learning to play the oboe. And most frightening of all, it means not realizing that there is anything at all strange about this way of thinking.

There was a time when I would have jumped right into that conversation, and started fantasizing about how great my life would be if only I could get back down to a size four. But I don’t believe that anymore. Instead, I believe that this pervasive culture of body-hatred is not right. It’s not normal, and I don't have to participate. I believe in choosing my priorities wisely, and losing weight is no longer one of them. I wish I could say that this realization has made me unstoppable. It hasn't, of course, but I do think it is one less thing holding me back - most of the time, anyway.

So I have to wonder, what's keeping me from being unstoppable? Fear? Laziness? Inertia? I don't know - and maybe that's why I still need therapy. One thing I do know though, is that it's not fifteen pounds. Pretty much everything else in life is more important than fifteen pounds. This I believe.

Better Living Through Chemistry

2007-09-12T21:10:00.001-04:00

So apparently, Wellbutrin works quite well if you actually fill the prescription and take it. Not quite so well if you leave it on the counter for six weeks and look at it suspiciously every time you walk by. So I finally started taking it, and I have high hopes that it will make me a shiny, happy person. No, not really. But I have high hopes that it will help motivate me to stop watching so much damn television and do something productive with my life.

Maybe it will help motivate me to write my essay for NPR's 'This I Believe,' which I have been wanting to do for some time now but have not because I just can't seem to come up with a really good topic. Do you think they'd like 'I Believe in Wellbutrin'? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, I don't know if I believe in Wellbutrin. It has only been four days, so I'm definitely still a skeptic. But we'll see.

In other news, I'm now 3 and 0 in tennis matches this season. It's doubles, so I can't take complete credit, but I'm still pretty happy. I think I'm getting mentally tough. That 's really important in tennis. You don't win too many matches with a killer forehand and a tendency to choke.

So I've been spending my evenings playing tennis, my mornings in the gym, and the rest of the day giving speeches and going to meetings. My calendar is so full that I literally cannot fit anything else on it. This must mean that I am very busy and important. And the days are still going by fast, which I still like. On the downside, I don't have time to watch episodes of 'Laguna Beach' on my computer at work. Not that I ever did that at any of my previous jobs.

I've had enough blogging for today. Before I go though, I'd like to invite you to submit your ideas for what you think I should believe for my NPR essay. I really need to get to work on that.

Don't Say You Told Me So. I Don't Want to Hear it.

2007-09-06T15:28:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here at the Mercedes dealership where I will be spending the next two and a half hours of my life, while they do something to my car that G prearranged. As far as car dealership waiting areas go, this is a pretty nice one. I am definitely liking the high-speed internet. Also, there is a lovely refrigerator filled with free bottled water and sodas and stuff. On the downside, they are charging me about 2 million dollars for routine car maintenance, but hey - we get bottled water, so it all evens out. In addition to the 2 million for routine maintenance, I need 2 new tires, because Mercedes tires apparently wear out every 10,000 miles which, as far as I can tell, is about three times as fast as they wore out on my Jetta. It's okay though, because Mercedes owners like to spend too much money on things. There has been extensive market research on this. The typical Mercedes owner is 47 years old and enjoys world travel, golf, gourmet cooking, and spending too much money on things. I totally made that up.

Oh well, moving on. I'm almost caught up on my tennis watching. Still have to catch the Federer Roddick match. I'm hoping to do that tonight before I go play a doubles match for my fall USTA team. We pretty much suck - or at least our record does. But I've only played in one match so far and I won. I'm hoping to make it two tonight.

I'm currently lamenting the lack of good reading material around here. (Yes, we're back to the Mercedes waiting room again.) It's too bad that I am not A) a cigar aficionado, B) a luxury home decorator, or C) on a quest for the perfect spa in Fiji, because then I'm sure I would find the reading material perfectly sufficient. The good news is, I have managed to waste an entire hour hogging the high-speed internet, so I only have about 90 minutes left before I can drive away in my lovely black money pit. I bet I can drink about 58 bottles of water in that time. I'm going to go do that now.

#$%&!#@$%

2007-09-05T21:19:00.000-04:00

I think my head is going to explode. That's how much work I have to do right now. But strangely, I'm happy about this. The days go by so fast. And also, I don't have to spend ten minutes every morning contempleting whether I'd rather go to work or bang my head repeatedly against the wall. I just go to work. Because there is work to be done. And that's good.

I'm currently listening to the new Jimmy Eat World single on repeat. The rest of the album hasn't been released yet, but the single is available on their website, as Steve pointed out to me the other day - so thanks for that Steve. Now this is the part where I would post a link to the Jimmy Eat World site and I would also do that cool thing where I highlight Steve's name and link to his blog. I would do this if a) I knew anything at all about web pages and b) Steve ever posted anything on his blog. Since I know that Steve is one of the few people who reads my posts on a regular basis, perhaps he will tell me how to do the cool link thingee.

This is going to be a short one I think. I am two days behind on my US Open watching, so if you know the result of the Justine-Serena match, do not tell me. Ditto Roddick-Federer. I'm going to watch now, but I will probably fall asleep in about five minutes. Then I'm going to get up at 5 and go running, followed by an 8:15 meeting, a 10:30 meeting, 5 hours of setting up more meetings and a 7:30 tennis match. Happiness is a full calendar.

A Warm Welcome to My Alter Ego: Trite, Annoying Business Phrase Using Girl (and also a poll concerning my future)

2007-09-03T16:26:00.000-04:00

Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth during voice mail messages is truly frightening. I spent the better part of last week trying to set up meetings at 40 bank branches, so I had plenty of opportunity to sound like an idiot on voice mail systems all over the triangle. And boy, did I take advantage of this opportunity.

At one point, I think I said, 'let's touch base." I'm pretty sure I also said, 'we can leverage that idea." Stop laughing. At least I didn't say I was glad to have anyone on board. At any rate, this must stop immediately. I can't become one of those people. Those people are the reason I went insane and took a job in retail. And don't even get me started on that lingo. We can talk about 'working the product' some other time.

Right now, I'd prefer to talk about what I'm going to do after the United Way campaign ends in November. My resume is something of a mess at this point, given my frequent job changes, moves across the country, and my brief foray into retail. So I think I have to go back to school, and because I'm me, I know that if I wait until I'm absolutely sure of what I want to go back to school for, I will never decide anything. So I wrote a couple of options down today and flipped a coin and law school won.

I think law school would be a good choice for the following reasons:
1) I'm a type A overachiever, so law and med school would be the obvious choices, but I don't like touching sick people, so med school is out.
2) I'm excellent at memorizing things, and I suspect that law school would involve a lot of this.
3) There are no specific undergrad prerequisites, which is good, because my music degree is turning out to be every bit as useless as I suspected it would be.
4) I like wearing suits and working in pretty offices (okay, this one is pretty weak, I'll admit.)

That's all I got for now. But I am also taking other suggestions, so please go directly to the comments section to let me know what you think I should do with my life. G says no one can make this decision for me, but what does he know? And if I don't get any other suggestions, I always have the coin flip. Really, I think coin flipping is highly underrated as far as making decisions goes.

Overheard by Laszlo Yesterday Evening

2007-08-31T21:21:00.000-04:00

"I can't believe you bought potpourri."

"What's the big deal about that? It's nice. It makes the bathroom smell like fresh laundry."

"Men don't buy potpourri. 75-year-old grandmothers buy potpourri."

"Are you saying I'm a 75-year-old grandmother?"

"That's what I'm saying. Pretty soon you'll be putting doilies on the coffee table and buying ceramic poodles. I mean, once you start down that road, where does it end?"

"You're crazy. Anyway, what would I do with a ceramic poodle?

"Well, you could put it next to the fireplace, like my grandma did. And are you going to start crocheting little hats to put over the toilet paper rolls? She did that too."

"I don't know how to crochet."

"Yes, but you did buy potpourri, so I think it's really only a matter of time."

"You're not very nice."

"I'm sorry. I take it back. You're not a 75-year-old grandmother. I'll stop it now, so you can get back to reading...what are you reading, anyway?"

"A Reader's Digest article on Princess Diana...... um...... like a 75-year-old grandmother."

Insomnia

2007-08-29T02:56:00.000-04:00

So this is what 2:26 am looks like. Good to know. Sadly enough, I have usually been asleep for about four hours at this point. I am going to be so extremely unhappy when my alarm clock goes off in....let's see... 2 hours and 49 minutes. I'm thinking that the 5:30 am elliptical trainer session is not going to happen. Unless, of course, I am still awake at 5:30 am. Then I'll probably just go because I have nothing better to do.

I must say I did enjoy spending those 2 and a half hours of quality time with the DVR from midnight to 2 am. I got myself good and addicted to Newport Harbor (formerly Laguna Beach) on MTV, and checked out what Maria Sharapova is wearing this year at the Open (fabulous red sparkly Nike dress, in case you were wondering).

Insomnia is not a problem I typically have, so I'm not sure what brought on this bout. Maybe I'm jetlagged. At any rate, the timing is quite awful, as I have a week and a half of work to get caught up on tomorrow morning. And I like to avoid falling asleep at my desk until at least week three of a new job.

So my birthday is in three days. (Sorry - that was kind of an abrupt change of subject. I'm not so good with the segues at 2:41 am. Or ever, now that I think about it.) Wait, make that birthday in two days. I forgot that it's tomorrow already. I mention this because I am self-centered and want to make sure that everyone pays lots of attention to me on my birthday, so I am giving plenty of advance notice. Also, I would love some blog comments for my birthday. Something pithy. Like happy birthday. That would be a good comment.

Well, I've now got 2 hours and 25 minutes until the 5:15 alarm. I think it's time to get the Serta counting sheep out and put them to work. I checked their blog today and they haven't posted since March of 2005, so presumably they have some time on their hooves and can make themselves useful by helping me sleep.

Beer, Boats, and Discount Mexican Hair Product

2007-08-26T09:02:00.000-04:00

I have two new favorite activities in life. They are: 1) sailing and 2)drinking beer while sailing.

In fact, I came up with a great idea yesterday. I think I should get a boat. I came up with this idea during our sailing expedition yesterday evening and it seemed like an excellent idea. Then again, everything pretty much seems like an excellent idea after the third Corona. Today, however, I am seeing a few minor flaws in the plan. Such as the fact that I can't afford a boat, I don't have a body of water in which to sail it, and I don't know how to sail. As I said, minor flaws.

In addition to my newly discovered love of boats, I have also discovered that my hair is not, as I had previously thought, naturally straight. I gave my blowdryer the week off for the first time in, I don't know, ever, and it turns out that I have wavy hair. Who knew? I've been styling my new wavy hair with some kind of Mexican hair product that I had to purchase after my $14 per can shaper spray was confiscated at BWI. Though I was extremely displeased with this turn of events, I am surprisingly happy with my discount Mexican hair product. I may even take a few cans home with me. Note to self: do not put those in carry-on bag.

Well, it's our last full day in Mexico, and it has been a terrific vacation, but I'm looking forward to getting back home and back to work. My dad recently described my life as "vacation, occasionally interrupted by work," and while I don't think this is entirely accurate, I will say that I think I've had enough vacation for a while. And I will soon be doing much more work, as I will be working weekend shifts at Trader Joe's in addition to my full time job at United Way. However, on the outside chance that Trader Joe's does not schedule me for a shift next Sunday, we may try to get a last minute flight to NYC to catch some of the US Open. But that's not vacation. That's an essential life experience.

Updated Goals, Revised Stats, Random Thoughts

2007-08-24T18:15:00.000-04:00

It's day 4 in Cabo and G is glued to the television, watching the Spanish version of The OC. We just spent a few hours at the pool, where I attempted to make my freckles connect into something approximating a tan. For those of you keeping score, the drinks tally is now at 23. And the number of people who have attempted to sell us timeshares is now at 7. We still have not yet purchased any timeshares. So far, so good. I just have to make sure that G sticks with the plan. The plan being to not buy any more timeshares, obviously.

On to the revised goals, which are as follows:

1) Drink more water
2) Drink less alcohol
3) Eat fewer tortilla chips

I've decided to keep the list small, as I think these will be difficult goals to accomplish, especially since we are going on our second sunset sailing expedition of the week tomorrow and there will be open bar. We may also try parasailing. I was watching people do it today and it looks like some good fun.

In other news, I am apparently an expert at bargaining. Today I managed to get the price of a freshwater pearl necklace down from $12 to $5 without saying anything. It's brilliant. You just express vague interest in something, ask the price, and then when they tell you how much it costs, make a face and walk away. They'll chase you down the street, lowering the price about a dollar per second. They should adopt this system at Nordstrom.

Okay, that's all for now. Time to walk downtown and find some good fish tacos.

Cabo Stats - Day 2

2007-08-22T18:44:00.000-04:00

Number of alcoholic beverages consumed so far: 10 (This is for both of us, so don't go staging an intervention just yet.)
Number of people who tried to sell us timeshares: 3
Number of timeshares purchased: 0 (I cannot emphasize enough what an accomplishment this is for us.)
Number of pages of Harry Potter read: 423
Number of potentially hazardous items taken from my carry-on bag and confiscated by BWI airport personnel: 2
Number of minutes front desk personnel at Via Del Arco said it would take to finish cleaning our room: 30
Number of minutes it actually took: 97
Number of non-working air conditioning units fixed by G: 1
Number of traffic violations involving bribing Mexican law enforcement: 0
Number of dollars per day it costs to use the previously free in-room internet: 14.95

Because of this last one, I may not be able to blog as frequently as I had hoped. I'll do my best though. I wouldn't want you to miss out on all the fun and excitement.

Porque La Vida Es Ahora

2007-08-20T16:58:00.000-04:00

Well, we are off to Mexico tomorrow. Today, however, I am visiting my parents in the boredom extravaganza that is Glen Rock, Pennsylvania. Laszlo will be staying here for the week, and we are flying out of Baltimore tomorrow. I've got some time on my hands at the moment, so I thought I'd do a bit of blogging.

Anyway, on to business. Being a relatively detail-oriented (read: neurotic) person, I have developed some goals for our vacation in Mexico. They are as follows:

1) Get a tan
2) Play some tennis
3) Don't get pulled over for running a red light by a Mexican cop who does not speak English and be forced to bribe him with 500 pesos in order to avoid having our driver's licenses confiscated and/or ending up in Mexican prison on the day before we are scheduled to fly back to North Carolina.

I think that about covers it. We should have internet access at our hotel, so I'll try to keep in touch and let you know how we are doing.

Random Stuff That is of No Significance to You Whatsoever

2007-08-17T08:08:00.000-04:00

Well it's Friday, which means that here in Fuquay-Varina, NC, it is also Bring Several Boxes of Sugar-Filled Fat-Laden Junk Food to Work Day, which explains why I just had to stand in line for 19 minutes to get a cup of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. I thought about suggesting that they make a separate line for those of us who only want coffee, but based on my observations this morning, I am the only person who falls into this category.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a good donut as much as the next person, but when I really need my morning coffee, I am not in the mood to listen to the people of Fuquay deliberate for 5 minutes about whether the last donut in the box should be a chocolate frosted or an old fashioned. It's not rocket science, people. Pick a damn donut and move on.

But I have my coffee, and all is well now, and I am preparing for Speech Day at the United Way (well, actually I'm blogging, but I will get to the preparation soon). It is a tradition that on the last day of training, we all get together in a big auditorium and give our campaign speeches to the rest of the group and the United Way staff. This day tends to be a source of considerable anxiety for many, but I am looking forward to it. Because my speech rocks. Maybe I'll post it here in a few days, although I think it may not work as well in print. We'll see.

After the speeches, I am organizing a happy hour at Bonefish for the Campaign Associates. I have appointed myself unofficial social director of the group this year, and happy hour is my first duty in this capacity. I really like this group and I think I'm going to end up with some good friends before this is all over.

Tomorrow, G and I leave for Mexico (by way of PA to visit the parents) where we will celebrate our seventh anniversary (Aug 19th) and my 32nd birthday (August 31st) although we are actually getting back before my birthday. I like to make sure that I am home for my birthdays so that I can tell everyone I know that it is my birthday and get as much attention as possible.

Well, I'd like to write more, but I have to go now, as I only have 45 minutes to make sure my speech is memorized. Wish me luck.

Fun and Exciting Things I Did This Week That G is Unable to Get Annoyed at Me for Doing Since He is Out of Town

2007-08-14T20:37:00.000-04:00

1) Slammed all of the doors in the house
2) Left 7 half-finished bottles of water on the counter
3) Did not get the mail out of the mailbox for the past three days
4) Left cereal crumbs on the kitchen counter
5) Turned the hallway light on and left it on all night
6) Watched 5 episodes of 'What Not to Wear' in a row
7) Kicked Laszlo out of the bedroom
8) Took all of the toilet paper in the house off of the rolls
9) Chewed an entire pack of orbitz gum really loudly
10) Left the computer on all night
11) Piled all the clothing that I own onto the chest in front of our bed
12) Ate all of the raisins out of his box of Raisin Nut Bran

Well, I'd say it has been a pretty successful week so far. G is coming home on Thursday and I have one more bit of unfinished business to take care of, so now I'm off to scatter my entire shoe collection all over the bedroom floor while there is still time.

Don't worry G, I'll clean up the evidence before you get home.

Labor Omnia Vincit

2007-08-12T11:22:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling uncharacteristically optimistic today. I start my job as a United Way campaign associate tomorrow and I can't wait. It has been far too long since I used my brain, brushed up on my speechwriting, and felt like a competent intelligent person. I will also be helping to raise more than ten million dollars to help people in need in our community, and if that isn't a motivating factor, I don't know what is.

I've held many many jobs in my relatively short career, including two previous stints as a campaign associate, and I can honestly say that working for the United Way has been the only job that I have truly loved. But it is a temporary job, and after it ended, I would inevitably return to yet another job in marketing that was so mind-numbingly boring and pointless that I spent a good portion of my days creating a gigantic rubber band ball, which I would use to pound SOS signals of the wall of my office. This time, I feel confident that my United Way experience is going to lead to something great. At this point, I don't know where it is going to lead, and that's okay. I am just going to concentrate on working as hard as I possibly can, and I know I'll get there.

I haven't felt quite this motivated since college, where I was The Girl Who Always Wrecked the Curve. Back then, I was motivated by the desire to get A's in everything (which I did) and use my perfect grades to land a fabulous, fulfilling, intellectually stimulating job (which I did not - the popular, non-socially inept people with the 2.3 GPAs got those). And then I spent the next ten years feeling disillusioned and bitter.

Well, I think The Girl Who Always Wrecked the Curve is back. She's older, wiser, and tired of being a slacker. And she's talking about herself in the third person again. Someone should tell her that this is mildly annoying.

And the Coping Mechanism of the Day is...

2007-08-09T15:35:00.000-04:00

Shopping!
I hadn't used this one in a while and I needed some new clothes for my new professional job that requires me to wear something other than a t-shirt, shorts and a nametag every day, so I thought some retail therapy might be in order. And I bought some fabulous new clothes. And there was much rejoicing.

Okay, to be honest, shopping was actually yesterday's coping mechanism of the day, but that didn't sound as good in a blog title. Today's coping mechanism, I'm sorry to say, is ice cream. However, since it is 105 degrees out today with 800 percent humidity, perhaps ice cream was not such a bad choice.

But now I'm done with ice cream and have moved on to Puccini. I used to listen to opera every day, and haven't done it in ages, but apparently it was time once again, because I've had Nessun Dorma on repeat for the last 30 minutes. Of course, it is now firmly entrenched in my brain and I am now destined to sing Italian opera for the rest of the evening. Although this will drive G absolutely insane after about 4 minutes, he will probably consider it a welcome break from the Pink song I was singing all day yesterday.

So tonight it's happy hour with the gang from work. We are going to Jibarra, my favorite restaurant in Raleigh - home of the Cilantro Pear margarita and fabulous ceviche. Ooh, I think I'll wear my new Seven jeans. Yay! That makes me happy. Whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly did not purchase Seven jeans for 40 percent off at Marshalls.

A Minor Ammendment to the Aforementioned Rule

2007-08-06T14:57:00.000-04:00

I know I said that I was going to post every Monday. But only one week has passed, and I'm already cracking under the pressure of self-imposed expectations. Come to think of it, cracking under the pressure of self-imposed expectations is pretty much the story of my life. It would actually be an excellent title for my biography. 'Cracking Under the Pressure of Self-Imposed Expectations: The Kira Gerasimon Story.' Hmm...I kinda like it. Not that my life is interesting enough to warrant a biography. My life is just barely interesting enough to warrant a blog. But I digress.

I know I had a point here. What the hell was it? Oh, right - regular Monday blog posts. Yeah, I don't think that's going to work out so well for me. I think maybe what I will do instead is agree to post at least once every seven days, but not necessarily on the same day every week. This way, I will avoid the blogger's block-inducing pressure of being required to produce new material on a given day. The blogging can't be forced, you know. The blogging must be allowed to flow freely. And who knows, maybe I will still end up posting every Monday. Because, as previously stated, I do like routine. Given the option, I usually choose to stick to a routine. I just don't want to PROMISE to stick to a routine, because then if I don't stick to a routine, it will mean that I have failed at my goal of routine-sticking, and I don't deal very well with failure.

So for those of you who are currently thinking, "I'm so looking forward to reading Kira's postings on a weekly (if not always Monday) basis," you are in luck, and for those of you who are currently thinking "Damn, this girl needs some serious therapy," please rest assured that the situation is under control.

A Post Which Contains No Depressing, Pessimistic or Cynical Statements

2007-08-03T15:04:00.000-04:00

Um... okay...
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait, wait - I can do this. Really, I can. Time to be cheerful and positive! (The exclamation mark was a nice touch, no? Happy people LOVE the rampant overuse of exclamation marks.)

Is it just me or is there an echo in here?

Okay, this is clearly going to take more planning than I had initially anticipated. Also, it would probably be good if I could develop a sense of humor that is not based on complaining, negativity and cynicism. I'll work on that one and get back to you.

Because I Like Routine (I am an ISTJ, after all)

2007-07-30T17:54:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to try something new and radical with my blog - posting on a regular basis. Specifically, I have decided to post at least once per week on a designated day, which is hereby offically designated to be Monday.

Why Monday? I don't know. It seems as good a day as any, I suppose. Also, I frequently have nothing to do on Sunday night, and it occurs to me that writing blog posts might be a slightly more productive activity than most of the things I did yesterday. These things included 1) wandering aimlessly around the neighborhood while talking to myself and getting weird stares from the neighbors, 2) drinking too much Gewurtztraminer 3) Eating a raw cayenne pepper as an exercise in embracing pain 4) Reading all of the old 'This I Believe' essays on the NPR website (actually quite fun and interesting) and 5) taking a two hour nap in the middle of the day for the sole purpose of making the time go by faster.

I think the regular blogging day will be nice for my readers (assuming that at some point in the future I actually get readers again) and I hope it will also motivate me to keep posting regularly. I have thought about sending out a mass email to all of the people who used to read my blog to let them know that I am posting again, but I don't think I am quite ready to do this. I don't think I want people to start expecting anything of me just yet. I'm sorry to say that it has gotten just a bit too comfortable here in the land of mediocrity. I am planning to move, really - I'm just doing it very slowly. But looking on the bright side, at least I put down the wine (and the chile peppers) and made it upstairs to my computer to write. And next Sunday night, I plan to do the exact same thing. Hey - it's a start.

"Sometimes We Take Chances, Sometimes We Take Pills..."

2007-07-25T10:15:00.000-04:00

...and sometimes we just go running with our ipod and get songs stuck in our head, which may explain, but not excuse, the fact that I have just quoted Fall Out Boy. That's right - I have officially hit rock bottom. Can someone please kill me now? Failing that, maybe I should give some additional thought to the pills option, because I happen to be spectacularly bad at taking chances.

I have been resisting the idea of antidepressants for about three years now, mostly becuase I feel like I shouldn't be dependent on a pill to get through my life, and secondarily because I don't want them to make me fat. I don't know, maybe it's time though. I'm beginning to realize that it is not normal to go through life feeling just a little bit crappy all the time.

On a sort of related note, I miss my therapist. She is on maternity leave until October, and I thought these few months would be a good opportunity to see if I could get along without Therapy Thursday. So far I guess I am doing mostly okay. I would like to be a little more okay though. The funny thing is, I didn't always feel like my sessions were accomplishing anything at the time, but now that I don't have them it feels like my safety net is missing. Who is going to listen to me complain if they are not being paid to do it? What if the voices in my head stage a mutiny? What if I have a nervous breakdown tomorrow? What if MTV cancels 'Laguna Beach' and I just can't deal with it on my own?

Then again, I always did do better without a safety net. The problem is, it's just too scary to get rid of it on my own (as I said - spectacularly bad at taking chances) so I have to be forced. I think my therapist has a specific name for this personality type but I forget what it is. I'll have to ask her in October. Until then, I'll try to get on with my therapy-free life.

There Are Support Groups for this Sort of Thing

2007-07-13T18:30:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else find it disturbing that I prefer watching DVR-ed television shows to just about any other activity in life? On second thought, don't answer that. Let's just take this little quiz instead, shall we?

Kira watches seven million bajillion hours of DVR-ed crap every day because:

a) She has an addictive personality
b) She has a really boring life
c) Every episode of 'The OC' is just as good the 4th time around
d) She would prefer not to think about the fact that she is almost 32 years old and has not figured out what she wants to do when she grows up
e) Laszlo the Vizsla really enjoys watching 'What Not to Wear' and who is she to take that away from him?
f) The ability to pause, delete and fast forward everything gives her a false sense of power in an unpredictable world
g) It goes nicely with her other favorite activities: sitting on the couch and eating
h) All of the above

Okay kids - submit those answers and be sure to show your work. Neatness counts.

And She's Back........Again.

2007-07-12T14:02:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling the need to blog again lately. Not sure where this urge has come from, but I've decided to go with it before I lose my motivation. Based on previous experience, I am expecting the motivation loss to occur in approximately 12 minutes, so I am going to type fast.

So let's see.... so much has happened. I have a new job now. I work in retail, which is an interesting change for me. I'm still not sure how I feel about my career change, and to be honest, today is probably not the best day to ask me, as I hate everything and everyone today. However, I do think the new job will provide plenty of blogging material.

In other exciting news, I am an official tennis player again. I joined a club and everything. I was trying to take it slow for a while so as to not injure myself and fall into suicidal depression when I had to stop playing yet again. Now I'm up to about 3 matches a week and I am officially addicted, so I am just going to pray that the knees, wrists, shoulders, ankles and back hold out on me.

G and I are going to visit Steve and Emily in Seattle on Sunday. I'm very excited about this as I haven't seen them in over a year and I haven't been back to Washington since we moved out here in 2005. I hope Mt. Rainier still speaks to me. Besides talking to Mt. Rainier, I will be drinking as much good coffee as is humanly possible and - just so I fit in with the locals - complaining bitterly about the 74 degree heat.

So that's it for now. It has been another interesting year in the Bog, and I will try - again - to post on a regular basis. Not that it much matters at this point. I'm pretty sure I have completely lost my audience by now. But whatever. This time I'm blogging for me.

Clearly I am not Qualified to use the Kitchen Unsupervised

2006-09-13T20:45:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've given myself a week off due to the stabbing. Last Sunday I stabbed myself with a steak knife. As is the case with most things that go wrong in my life these days, I blame this on Laszlo.

The stabbing occured as I was trying to cut one of those little plastic rings of the neck of a water bottle that I was planning to give to Laszlo to play with, in exchange for approximately 7 minutes of relative peace. I have to cut the rings off because if I did not, Laszlo would swallow them. He pretty much swallows anything that isn't nailed down. The only reason he doesn't swallow the entire bottle is that he can't fit it down his throat.

Anyway, I was holding the bottle in my left hand and a very sharp knife in my right hand wedged under the ring. Then my hand slipped and I plunged the knife tip directly into the side of my left hand. Bleeding, screaming and cursing ensued.

Then I proceeded to feel sorry for myself for the next week or so. Also, I had lots of trouble gripping things in my left hand. Interestingly enough, this did not stop me from going to the gym and attempting to do shoulder presses while gripping dumbbells with my pinky and ring finger. Mom would be proud.

Anyway, I am all better now and will be blogging again, but I don't really have anything to talk about. Except maybe candy corn. I can talk about candy corn. You'll want to stay tuned for that.

Another Blog Post (in which Kira has nothing particularly interesting to say)

2006-09-10T14:25:00.000-04:00

It's true. It has been a boring week - aside from Thursday's wine and cheese party with the girls from work, which was great fun. Friday, I had a stomach ache from all that cheese, which was not fun. It made me think of G though, as he well knows the perils of eating too much cheese.

Speaking of G, he will be home soon, and Laszlo and I are very excited. G and I are planning a trip to Mexico and Sonoma, CA and Laszlo is planning a trip to G's parents house in PA. I hope he doesn't destroy too much of their stuff. Speaking of Laszlo, tomorrow it's off to PetSmart doggy day camp for him. I hope he doesn't scare the other dogs.

Well, this week should be packed with more fun and excitement. My book club meets tomorrow and I was supposed to have read 'The Brothers Karamazov' for this meeting, but I just couldn't fit it in, what with all those reruns of 'Laguna Beach' that I had to watch. Luckily, I can still go to the meeting and eat good food, and unlike in college lit class, I don't have to pretend I have read the book.

Tuesday is happy hour day this week at Bonefish. Also, I have a haircut and will be venturing into the exciting world of bangs. Later in the week I may play some tennis, as I have been doing this again on occasion, and have not yet destroyed any ligaments in the process.

Okay, well I'm bored now, so I am going to get my boxing gloves and go to the gym and hit stuff. I finally figured out how to program song lists in my ipod yesterday, so I will be listening to my 'Angry Mix' whilst I hit stuff. I'll be back in time for the US Open mens final today at 4. I hope Roddick makes it interesting.

I Have a Slackover

2006-09-05T16:23:00.000-04:00

I've invented a new word to describe the way I am feeling today - the Slackover.

You know that feeling that you get at the end of long holiday weekends during which you have spent way too much time sleeping and sitting on the couch watching television and eating and otherwise slacking off, and you go into the office and everyone and everything is unbearably annoying, and the fluorescent lights are too bright, and the phone is too loud, and you'd rather stab yourself in the eye with a ballpoint pen than go to your 10am meeting? That's a slackover. I definitely have one today.

As usual, the bright spot in the day was lunch with Alyssa and Tiffany. We went to Lubranos to drown ourselves in vodka sauce and minestrone and discuss our two favorite topics of conversation: 1) What kind of cool, fun, and interesting business we could open up if we all quit our jobs and started our own company and 2) Places we could go instead of returning to work after lunch (you know - the pool, the mall, back to bed, Las Vegas - places like that).

So I'm not quite sure what the cure for a slackover is, but I am going to try spinning class. There is a 6:30 class at Club Worx tonight and I will be in it. Unfortunately, I don't know who is teaching this class, and if it is the instructor who plays all the crappy 70s music, I may have to run over her with my stationary bike.

At least the slackover has not affected my bubbly personality or positive attitude.

Weed Maintenance

2006-09-03T09:05:00.000-04:00

Well, so far it has been an exciting weekend of fixing my lawn and trying to give away excess cake. After some much needed help from the parents, my yard now looks good enough that the neighbors may stop frowning and shaking their heads in disgust every time they walk by. My lawn is still covered in weeds, of course, but they are now very green and healthy looking weeds of uniform length. I am quite proud of this. It is most definitely good enough. Anyway, no matter how much work I do on my yard, it will never really look good, because the next door neighbors have perfect golf course lawn. I can't compete with that.

I can't believe it is Labor Day already. The summer went by so fast, and as usual, there are many things that I planned to do and did not, including:

1) See many great movies
2) Get a tan
3) Get over my fear of the grill
4) Grow herbs
5) Wash the deck
6) Find a good place to get a pedicure
7) Cook a meal that doesn't involve prepackaged salad mix or microwave dinners
8) Send back those three Netflix movies that have been sitting on the top of my television set since April

But I can't worry about that stuff right now, because I have the bigger problem of worrying about what to do with Laszlo when my dog sitter goes away for the next three months. Does anyone want to borrow a psychotic Vizsla? He is really good at catching flies.

And There was Much Cake

2006-08-31T11:01:00.000-04:00

So today is my 31st birthday, and I have decided to celebrate by eating cake for breakfast, opening presents from fabuolus friends, telling everyone I meet that it is my birthday, eating cake for a midafternoon snack, wearing my favorite shoes, and not telling my mom how much cake I have eaten. Because even though she won't comment on this, she will think disapproving thoughts and I will be able to sense them through a special talent that I like to call 'excessive paranoia'.

At any rate, I think the day is off to a great start. After the aforementioned cake, I received a new addition to the Serta Sheep flock - Sheep 1/2, courtesy of Alyssa and Tiffany. Yay! Also, I have yet to spill anything on myself today, so that's always a plus.

So just in case anyone out there would like to leave a comment on my blog, today would be an excellent day to do it. You could, for example, wish me a happy birthday. If you should feel so inclined. I do love comments and my blog has been sorely lacking in that area lately. Yes, I know that this is my own fault for neglecting to post for a year. But whatever. It's my birthday and I am only going to think happy thoughts today. So much cake, so little time.....

Places in which I was Unsuccessful at Finding Happiness Today

2006-08-29T21:40:00.000-04:00

1) the refrigerator
2) the gym
3) ebay
4) Starbucks
5) Time Warner Cable channels 1 through 98
6) Nordstrom shoe department

The Control-Freak Embraces her Destiny

2006-08-27T17:43:00.000-04:00

This morning, I had some excellent bacon, egg and cheese crepes for breakfast. Those of you who have heard me regularly singing the praises of flax flaxes mixed with low-carb yogurt will probably surprised by this, as you know that I generally eat healthy food, and I also tend to eat the same thing for months at a time (my work colleagues will certainly recall the Zone Enchilada Phase of March 2006.) So crepes were definitely not in the plan for the day. But coffee was, and I stoped to get it at Crepes and Coffee, where I always stop for my Sumatra after church on Sunday.

This particular Sunday, as I was getting my coffee, one of the employees asked if I would like a free egg and cheese crepe, as they had made too many and had an extra one. I politely declined, as I had big plans for flax flakes and low-carb yogurt when I got home. I sat down to enjoy my coffee and read the paper, and about 10 minutes later, a second employee came over and offered me a free bacon, egg, and cheese crepe. Apparently, they had made another mistake and had some more stray food that needed a good home. This time I took it and ate it, and it was fabulous.

There are two reasons why I acepted the second crepe offer after rejecting the first. One, the second crepe had bacon, and bacon makes everything better. Two, I had just been offered 2 more free crepes in the space of ten minutes than I have ever been offered in my life. Clearly, I was meant to have crepes today. You just can't fight destiny.

On an unrelated note, has anyone seen the American Express commercial in which Andy Roddick plays a match against Pong? Funniest damn thing I've ever seen. Incidentally, please don't anyone talk to me for the next two weeks. I'll be glued to my television watching the U.S. Open.

Items that Laszlo ate this Year

2006-08-23T13:11:00.000-04:00

1) The window sill in the dining room
2) 6 dog beds
3) G's stethoscope
4) the F9 and F10 keys from my computer keyboard
5) the handle of my Kate Spade bag
6) The edges of the rug in the entrance hall
7) a calculator
8) the remote control from the fireplace
9) the lawn sprinkler head
10) 3 shoes
11) 2 hardback coffee table books
12) a tape measure
13) 4 hair ties
14) 2 gauze bandages
15) one dogwood tree
16) one large wooden item currently unidentified as it was in shreds but I think it is part of my house.
17) 3 DVD cases
18) The corner of the coffee table
19) the end of the bannister in the garage
20) 5 magazines
21) 3 dryer sheets
22) most of the palm tree that used to live in our house
23) one indestructable dog toy
24) 2 packs of orbitz gum

It's a good thing Laszlo is so cute. I would never put up with this crap from a child. Then again, one would hope that I would never have a child who would be eating shoes and paper. That would be weird.

Back in the Bog

2006-08-22T20:16:00.000-04:00

Greetings once again, and welcome back to the bog. Your favorite hostile person has returned after a very long hiatus. What? You didn't think I'd ever come back? You have so little faith. I expected better of you. That said, I wouldn't necessarily count on me stucking around. We all know about my problems with follow-through.

But I think I figured out why this blog became so hard to maintain. I was trying too hard to be witty and amusing. Then when I couldn't come up with somethimg witty and amusing, I got all stressed out and stopped blogging because I like my leisure activities without the side order of stress. So from now on, I will just write about my life. It may, on occasion, be witty and amusing but I am not making any promises. I just wanted to make sure we were clear on that. So keep those expectations nice and low. I firmly believe that low expectations the key to happiness.

Anyway, in case you were wondering what I have been up to in the last year, here is a brief list:

1) G got sent to Iraq last October but will be back in a few weeks (yay!)
2) I got a job - more on that later.
3) I got a dog - much more on him later.
4) I got therapy (of various types). I don't think it is working.
5) I discovered Chick Fil-A. Does this make me an official southerner?
6) I grew out the horrible blonde hair and got some decent highlights (I'll change that blogger profile one of these days)
7) I bought an ipod. (honestly, how did I ever survive without this?)
8) I figured out how to work the lawn mower (major milestone in my life, I'm sorry to say)
9) I made some fabulous new friends.
10) I found some folks from Washington who make great coffee.
11) I have come to terms with the fact that I will always hate yoga. I tried very hard to like it and failed. From now on I shall embrace the hatred. And engage in real athletc activities. Like punching stuff.
12) I spent $4,873,274,352 in Whole Foods. It's really not that hard to do.
13) I pained the bedroom Cantaloupe. (Still not sure about this one. G likes it but I think we should have gone with sky blue.)
14) I killed two trees, a bunch of flowers and a whole lot of grass. (I'm not counting the dogwood that Laszlo ate. I don't think I should be held responsible for that.)
15) I watched 5 seasons of Gilmore Girls, 3 seasons of One Tree Hill and one season of Grey's Anatomy. Looks like the OC has some competition.

So there is my year in a nutshell - or actually in a list, if you want to get technical about it. I think that from now on I will include lists in my posts on a much more regular basis. I hope that you all had as much fun and excitement as I did this past year, and I hope that you will join me Back in the Bog - Now with More Lists!

Don't worry - I didn't have anything to do between the hours of 8am and 6pm anyway.

2005-07-25T10:12:00.000-04:00

I love the cable people. And the movers. Also the ADT guy, the phone company, the garage door installers, and the guy who came to fix our hot water heater (which should not have been broken since this is a brand new house.) They are so considerate of my time, so friendly, so helpful. I can't say enough good things about them. I am completely understanding of the fact that they may show up at my house at any hour of the day and on any day between now and next Christmas. I would never ever expect them to give me some vague idea of when they might show up, because that would require them to actually make up a schedule and follow it, and they are no doubt way too busy doing things like avoiding my phone calls to ever contemplate scheduling. Instead I will happily sit here in my house, and wait for them for all eternity because, hey, it's not like I have anything to do. Ever. It's not like I will ever need to leave this house for anything. So just take your time there ADT guy/cable guy/phone guy/garage door guy. I will be here patiently waiting. And please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you out. I'm here for you. Literally.

Don't Make Me Hurt You

2005-07-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

I'm contemplating buying a fly swatter today. I've never owned a fly swatter before, mainly because I think they are gross, and I can't be bothered chasing flies around my house and smacking my countertops and walls with a piece of plastic coated in fly guts.

I've never had too much of a problem with flies in my house before, and if I do get one occasionally, it is really not a big deal. As long as it stays out of my way, we're fine. If, however, it decides to dive-bomb my head on a regular basis, repeatedly land on my food, and zoom by my ear making annoying buzzing noises, then we have a problem. And today, we have a problem.

I think the problem started when the mover guys took my front door off the hinges for 4 hours and let the entire North Carolina insect population in my house. Further contributing to this problem is the fact that the North Carolina insect population is rather aggressive. I've tried to live in peace with the flies which is really more than they deserve. And this house is 2500 sqaure feet. We could all live here happily together if they would just STAY AWAY FROM ME. But no. They just had to push their luck and now I'm mad. So we are officially at war. This house ain't big enough for the both of us. Bye-Bye Flies.

Things pertaining to Fayetteville, NC that I don't understand.

2005-07-16T12:09:00.000-04:00

1) Why are all the restaurants of the chain variety that serve ribs and large slabs of cow?
2) Why does everyone mumble ALL THE TIME??
3) Why are southern accents barely acceptable on women, but make all men sound like Forrest Gump?
4) Why does no one else seem to find it disturbing that IHOP, Wendy's and Pizza Hut all made the 2004 "Best of Fayetteville" list.
5) Why is it so hard to get unsweetened iced tea?
6) Why are there so many pawn shops, payday loan stores, and fast food restaurants specializing in fried chicken?
7) Who is eating all this fried chicken, anyway?

Okay, so that's it for Fayetteville. I've spent enough of my time and energy thinking about and writing about this awful place. There will be no more Fayetteville blogging.

On to other topics..... I really miss that mountain. Sometimes when he is in a good mood, G will do the Mt. Rainier voice for me. I'm happy to say that Mt. Rainier still talks to me and I can hear him all the way out here in NC.

Also, we found a real Starbucks up in Durham, and went there on Sunday. I didn't order an 8 0z coffee, but it was comforting to know that I could have. But since it was 95 degrees on Sunday with 200 percent humidity, I had a frappuccino. We sat and read the paper and basked in the lovely happy atmosphere of a real Starbucks in all of its Starbucky glory. And life was good. Sometimes (but not often) it takes very little to make me happy.

What? No Starbucks?

2005-07-15T14:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I cried over an 8 oz. coffee. Or more accurately, my inability to get one in Fayetteville, NC. This seems like a rather extreme reaction, even for me, so I am chalking it up to my adjustment issues. I hope things will get better when our new house is ready and I am no longer living in a hotel outside the Fayetteville mall. Our new house is a good 30 miles from Fayetteville, and for this, I am very grateful.

Anyway, about that coffee. I wanted 8 oz. EIGHT. Not twelve, not sixteen. EIGHT. Why is this such a difficult concept?? It's called a SHORT coffee, and you can get them at Starbucks, even though they are not on the menu. You just ask for a SHORT COFFEE. Except in Fayetteville, apparently, where the only starbucks are a little stand inside a grocery store and one in the Barnes and Noble, and when I asked if they had 8 oz coffees, they informed me that their 8oz cups were the kiddie sizes. So I asked for a double kiddie size latte and they wouldn't give me one. Nice customer service there, Starbucks.

Also, I was in one of the Ft. Bragg gyms, and there was a sign (an actual sign, not a handwritten note) that said "Please wipe off all machines when you are done using them (treadmills, bikes, weight benches/IE"). What the hell does that mean? I'll tell you what it means - some government employee who clearly never completed second grade is getting paid three times as much money as I have ever been paid in my life to make up grammatically incorrect signs. Is IE supposed to be i.e., and is it supposed to come BEFORE "treadmills"? Did they get i.e. confused with etc.?? And what's with the slash anyway? I don't know the answer to any of these questions, butI find it very upsetting. In fact, I almost cried about it, but I was too drained from the coffee incident.

(yes, there actually are some) Things I'll Miss About Washington

2005-06-18T12:26:00.000-04:00

Since I'm now temporarily homeless and soon to be on my way to NC, I thought this might be a good time to reflect on all the fun I'm leaving behind. So, here they are - in no particular order - Things I will miss about Washington.

1) The comforting feeling that, no matter where I go, I am always within 50 feet of a Starbucks.

2) Mt. Rainier. I like this mountain. This mountain speaks to me. Really. We have conversations. I'll miss those.

3) The Tennis Girls and the whole gang at LRC.

4) Those days when the sun is actually shining and the trees and grass are so green they are almost glowing. (Granted, we only have about 4 of those days per year, but still, I'll miss them.)

5) Great Cuisine of India, the only restaurant I have ever found that knows the meaning of "extra spicy".

6) The world's best wild blackberries that grow like weeds everywhere you look in August and September.

7) The days when the sun doesn't go down until 10 pm.

8) Various other food related items including Marlene's Market, Pizza from Katie Downs, Cioppino from Anthony's and Smoked Salmon from anywhere.

So that's all I can think of right now. Maybe I'll ammend this list as I come up with some others. Anyway, thanks Washington for a fun three years. And now, I'm off to terrorize a new state, and I'll be blogging all the way there. Yay! Road Trip!

Note To Self: Do Not Eat Two Pounds of Cheese Before Going Running

2005-06-06T18:33:00.000-04:00

The preceding nugget of wisdom was brought to you by G, who decided to attempt this feat yesterday and pronounced it Not a Good Idea. So just in case you were thinking of consuming a few pounds of cheese before your evening workout, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Of course, you may be blessed with the natural power to intuitively know that excess cheese consumption in general, and before a workout in particular, is Not a Good Idea. But you see, we’re very scientifically-minded around here. We can’t just trust our intuition. We must test our theories. Or at least, G must. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m definitely capable of eating a pound or two of cheese in one sitting. I just try not to, as I don’t want to weigh 400 pounds. Somehow, G manages to avoid weighing 400 pounds despite excess cheese consumption.

I’m inclined to wonder if G went running yesterday in order to make up for the excess cheese consumption. However, G insists that he actually ate the cheese in preparation for the running. You know how endurance athletes will carbo-load before a big race? Well, in our household, carbo-loading is for sissies. Around here we prefer cheese-loading. Occasionally, in preparation for particularly strenuous activity, we ice cream-load. I think one time we even burrito-loaded, but I definitely don’t recommend that.

So, the results of our latest scientific study are in, and we can say with some degree of certainty that excess cheese consumption followed by running produces a big stomachache. G says I am to remind him of this fact the next time he gets out the cheese.

A Thank You Note to My Left Knee

2005-06-01T10:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Left Knee,

I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere appreciation for your cooperation in various physical activities over the past several weeks. Though I understand that you are not fully recovered from the trauma you suffered on December 3, 2003, and you have proceeded to confound the medical establishment for the past year and a half by refusing to divulge exactly what is wrong with you, I appreciate that you have lately been making an effort to cooperate more fully with my plans. As you are no doubt aware, I have made every effort to ease your discomfort by participating in a number of boring low-impact activities, but I must admit that if I have to spend one more minute on the elliptical trainer, I may attempt to kill myself with a 3-pound dumbbell.

For this reason, I am particularly happy that you agreed to go running 5 times in the past three weeks. I hope you took particular note of the joy we experienced in being able to run again. I hope you remembered how important running used to be to us. Do you remember how much we hated running when we started it but lied to everyone and told them that running was our favorite thing on earth because we wanted to be one of those cool, sporty, fit people? And do you remember how we continued to run until we actually did love running and became one of those people? I urge you, Left Knee, please do not forget the good old days! We can bring them back!

I have also been asked by Heart, Lungs, Leg Muscles, and Mental Health to express their gratitude to you as well. In fact, the only dissatisfaction with your new found cooperation has come from Extra Ten Pounds of Flab. But rest assured that this is not a problem, as you and I both know that we hate Extra Ten Pounds of Flab, and would like them to go away as soon as possible.

I hope that you will continue your cooperation in the future, and if you agree to do so, I will agree to make sure that you are no longer overworked and underappreciated. I’d like to add that I am sorry about that half marathon in Tucson 3 years ago. I should have trained for it, worn better shoes, and most importantly, listened to your cries of pain at mile 8 instead of stubbornly insisting on dragging you across the finish line. I am also sorry for forcing you to play tennis for hours every day in 2003. It isn’t that I was trying to hurt you – it’s just that I really like tennis. I hope you understand.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am very optimistic about our future. I have big plans for us, but I can’t accomplish them without your help. So please know that you are loved and appreciated. Thanks again for everything and keep up the good work!

Sincerely,

Kira S. Gerasimon

You Think You Know, But You have No Idea

2005-05-28T09:44:00.000-04:00

Just in case any of you were tempted to be jealous of my fabulous life, here is an example of what your typical day would look like if you too were an unemployed person with absolutely no responsibilities.

1) Wake up at 5:30 am. Be very annoyed that you are up at 5:30 am. Wonder why you could never drag yourself out of bed at 5:30 am when you had a job.

2) Make elaborate healthy breakfast involving oat bran, fruit, whey protein powder, and a blender. Tell yourself that a benefit of being unemployed is that it is easier to monitor your fiber consumption.

3) Do several semi-productive things such as folding laundry, cleaning bathroom and weeding front yard landscaping. Write down aforementioned semi-productive things and memorize them in case asked to justify your existence.

4) Spend two hours at the gym. Tell yourself that a benefit of being unemployed is tricep definition.

5) Have a conversation with your 3 stuffed Serta Counting Sheep. Then, feed them lunch. Rest assured that your husband will not think this is strange, as he does it too, even though he is employed and not insane.

6) Wander into the pantry. Contemplate possible uses for sugar-free watermelon syrup. Have a flash of inspiration, and invent sugar-free watermelon yogurt. Feel productive and innovative.

7) Go to Starbucks and hang out for hours reading book. Remember how you used to go to Starbucks during breaks from work and enviously watch the people hanging out in Starbucks who looked like they didn’t have work to go back to.

8) Make pico de gallo using 47 cherry tomatoes chopped by hand. Do this because cherry tomatoes taste better than the big tomatoes and chop them by hand because the food processor makes them too mushy. Feel sorry for all the employed people who do not have time to chop 47 cherry tomatoes by hand, and therefore must eat mushy pico de gallo.

9) While making the pico de gallo, pretend you are Rachael Ray. Make up nicknames and abbreviations for all of your condiments and kitchen utensils. Say things like “Oh man, does THAT look good!” and “Tomato Overboard!” and then giggle uncontrollably.

10) Realize that there are not one but TWO episodes of The O.C. on tonight. Be joyful.

A Little Mediocrity Never Killed Anyone

2005-05-26T09:53:00.000-04:00

Here is a message to all my loyal fans (i.e. Steve, Dad, G and Lori): I am having blogger’s block. It's not that I don’t have anything to write about; it is that all my writing is coming out Not Quite Good Enough, and I’ve been refusing to post it.

Seeing as I only have four fans of whom I am aware, you would think that I would not be so picky about what I post. Furthermore, I realize that my earlier attempts were not exactly great literature, but I was happy with them – which is something of an accomplishment, considering that I tend to view most of what I produce as Not Quite Good Enough.

But perfectionism will only help you achieve great things up to a point. If you take it too far, perfectionism will help you achieve a life of making permanent indentations in the couch while wearing bunny slippers and eating Frosted Flakes straight from the box. Because if everything becomes Not Quite Good Enough, and Not Quite Good Enough is Unacceptable, then nothing ever gets done.

So, in an attempt to give mediocrity its due credit and to prove that Not Quite Good Enough is better than Nothing at All, I’ve written a boring, pointless, mediocre post.

I hope you've enjoyed it.

Living with Cookie Monster

2005-05-12T20:17:00.000-04:00

It has come to my attention that I have breakfast cereal issues. I actually have MANY issues in a surprisingly diverse array of areas, but today I’m going to write about those pertaining to breakfast cereal. My issue with breakfast cereal is this: whenever there is a box in the house, I have the overwhelming urge to start shoveling handfuls of it directly from the box into my mouth. I cannot resist the cereal, and I cannot rest while there is an unfinished box of it in the house. I like some better than others. Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch and Frosted Flakes, for example, are particular favorites. I don’t really discriminate, though. If there is All Bran in the house, I’m perfectly content to shovel that in too.

I’ve searched long and hard for a brand of cereal that I can keep in the house for more than two days, and let me tell you, it is a difficult task. So far, I am doing fairly well with something called Flax Flakes.

Yesterday, G and I had the following conversation:

G: (cautiously) I bought some cereal today.
Me: (with great interest) Oh really? What kind?
G sighs wearily but says nothing.
Me: What? You’re not going to tell me? Are you afraid I’ll eat it all? Did you HIDE the cereal from me?
G: You know, when I was in the store picking out my cereal, I thought to myself: “what kind of cereal can I buy that Kira will not find appealing so I can actually get to eat some of it?” It’s like living with Cookie Monster!

Immediately I had the following thoughts:

1) This statement is not technically correct, as I do not have cookie issues, though presumably I would if I ever allowed cookies in my house.

2) My husband has just compared me to a large, blue, furry, googly-eyed creature who is incapable of speaking in complete sentences. I feel that this should bother me more than it does.

Anyway, I have no idea what the point of this story is. I just thought it was funny. And in case you’re interested, G chose Whole Grain Total and I have not yet eaten any of it. I’m not making any promises though.

Additional Security Measures will NOT be Necessary

2005-05-02T12:11:00.000-04:00

Life used to be really simple. I would get up in the morning, complain about how I hate going to work for a good half hour, go into whatever crappy office job I happened to hold at the time, turn on my computer, and get to work playing computer games and sending personal emails.

These days, after the getting up, complaining, driving to work, and switching on computer, I now spend about 45 minutes trying to log on to “the system” (I hate the system. But that’s a whole different blog). It seems that sometime in the last ten years or so, someone came up with the brilliant idea of computer passwords. This is not so bad in itself, but these days it seems like I need a degree in higher mathematics and top secret government security clearance, in order to create one that my computer will accept.

Initially, it was deemed necessary that we change our passwords every month. This was kind of annoying, but not so bad really. Then they told us that we could never reuse an old password, which started to pose a problem, as I quickly ran out of former pets’ names and dead composers. Then they started making demands about the types of passwords we could use – regulations about the number of characters, types of characters, etc.

Now, when it is time for my monthly password extravaganza, I diligently create my new password, enter it into “the system” and receive the following message. YOUR PASSWORD HAS BEEN REJECTED BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MEET ONE OF THE FOLLOWING CRITERIA. Incidentally, the list is rigged, so that every time I create an unacceptable password, an additional requirement gets added. Currently, it looks like this:

Your password must be exactly 7 characters long
Your password cannot be the same as your Logon ID
Your password must contain both alphabetic and numeric characters
Your password cannot be the same as any of your previous passwords
Your password cannot contain 2 of the same characters in a row
Your password must contain at least 3 vowels, one of which must be an “E”
The “E” cannot be the first or last character in your password
The sum of the squares of all numeric characters in your password must be divisible by 42 .

I’m sure that this password nonsense was devised by someone at “headquarters” in the attempt to justify the obscene amount of money he gets paid to do nothing. But I’ve got news for you, Password Man: NOBODY wants to get into my computer that badly. Not even me. Which is a good thing, since I can’t remember my damn password.

‘Good’ Doesn’t Mean Good. “Stupendiforous” Means Good.

2005-04-27T10:33:00.000-04:00

As much as I enjoy cooking, I will never be able to cook for people outside my immediate family. I have this fear that people will absolutely hate my cooking but will be too polite too tell me so. Meanwhile, I will have wasted an entire meal of their lives – a meal that they will never get back. I can’t take that kind of pressure.

Yesterday I made some Tandoori fish that G did not like. I know he did not like it because he said it was good. Now, while most people might be happy with ‘good’, I happen to know that when G really likes something, he makes up his own crazy adjectives to describe it. So I know that while ‘stupendiforous’, ‘fantabulistic’, and ‘awesomely fabulicious’ mean good, ‘good’, most certainly does not.

So I immediately get defensive. “What is it? What don’t you like?” I demand. After a few minutes of further insistence that it is good, G finally admits that it is too spicy and he doesn’t really like the sauce.

Now, I’ll agree that it was probably too spicy, as nearly all my food is too spicy for normal people. I don’t think it’s fair to blame me for this though, because despite being a white girl from Pennsylvania, I seem to have taste buds of steel, and nothing is too spicy for me. But the sauce I thought was pretty good, and the fact that G doesn’t like it bothers me more than it should. Perhaps this is because yesterday G opened a can of refried beans, dumped it on a flour tortilla, and pronounced it “Fantabulous”.

So now I can never invite anyone over for dinner, because if they tell me my food is good, or even great, I will not believe them. “This food is great, Kira,” they might say, and then I will flip out.

“What is it?!” I will shriek. “WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT? Is it too spicy!? Too dry!? Do you want something else!? Should I order take-out?... ” And so on, until my very confused guests are wishing they had stayed home and eaten Frosted Flakes for dinner.

But if all else fails, I guess I can just serve Old El Paso refried beans on tortillas. According to G, this recipe is always a hit.

Productivity is Good ... Even if the Product Isn't

2005-04-22T12:04:00.000-04:00

G and I are working on a paint-by number. It was his idea. Actually, it was his paint-by number, but I stole his brush and have been working on it when he is not here, because I can paint straighter lines than he can.

I forget why G decided to buy a paint-by-number. I think he is planning to try to pass it off as an original work, in which case he may be really mad at me when he reads this. But what surprises me about this paint-by-number is that I like working on it. I would have never thought to buy one myself, mainly because I don’t like paint-by-numbers. And if I was going to choose a paint-by-number, this is not the one I would have chosen. It’s an ocean sunset, with a lighthouse and a couple of little boats in the water. It’s okay, for people who like that sort of thing. (Those tend to be people who also have a house full of doilies, embroidered pillows, and hand-painted ceramic cats. I’m not judging – just making an observation.)

So lately, I’ve found myself working on this paint-by-number whenever I have some free time. It’s actually quite relaxing. It keeps me busy without requiring any mental exertion, and it keeps me from doing things like watching television and stuffing my face with cheez-its – activities which are decidedly less productive (unless one is attempting to produce a large butt).

Who knows, maybe I’ll actually like this thing when it’s finished. I suspect, however, that I will instead add paint-by-numbering to my list of Stuff That’s Fun to Do, but I Don’t Want the Finished Product. Also on this list are embroidery and painting ceramic cats. This poses a bit of a problem, because sooner or later, G and I will finish the paint-by-number. And as much as I’m enjoying it now, if G gives any indication that he intends to frame and hang it, I will be forced to hide it in the Secret Place for Tacky Things That G Likes but I do not Want Anyone to Know We Own. I’ll put it next to the ceramic cat.

Blog for the Dysfunctional

2005-04-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Last December, my friend Linda taught me how to make Christmas wreaths. She had been making these beautiful wreaths for years and giving them as gifts for the holidays, and this past year, I begged her to teach me. I had visions of lovely, pine-scented green wreaths with big red bows that I would present to all my suitably impressed friends and relatives. Everyone would want my wreaths. I’d be like Martha Stewart. Except without the criminal conviction.

So Linda and I went out in the woods one rainy, cold Friday and gathered all the pretty greenery we could find. We lugged it all back to her garage and she helped me make my first wreath. The process was time-consuming but not difficult, and my wreath looked pretty good. Excited about my new hobby, I took the supplies home to make some on my own.

Fast forward to mid-February, and G is cleaning out the garage. He walks into the living room, holding something greenish and dead.
“What is this and can I throw it out?” he asks.
I look up from my usual spot on the couch, where I am engaged in yet another O.C. marathon.
“Oh that,” I say. “That’s half a Christmas wreath. I never finished it.”

And that, my friends, is the story of my life. Or at least the story of my life for the past year and a half, since I messed up my left knee and have been trying in vain to find a replacement hobby for my two favorite and knee-dependent activities in the world – running and tennis. (No, G, I am NOT finished wallowing in self-pity. I will continue to wallow as I see fit.)

The pattern is always the same. I choose an activity which I am convinced will become my new favorite hobby, get very excited about said activity and concentrate diligently on perfecting it. For about two days. Then I lose all interest. In the past year and a half, I have attempted and discarded the following: jewelry making, herb gardening, personal training certification, learning French, swimming, meditation, and a very weird phase during which I attempted to glue thousands of rhinestones on pairs of Old Navy flip flops. From these failed attempts, I have learned the following: I have the attention span of a four-year old.

The one hobby that I have managed so far to not quit is cooking. I’m not sure whether this counts though, because I haven’t figured out if my cooking stems from an attempt to develop actual culinary skills or simply from an attempt to justify eating as a legitimate hobby.

At any rate, I figure that I am ahead of the game with this blogging thing. It has been an entire 10 days and my blog has not yet gone the way of the Christmas wreath. Hey, it’s a start. Now I get to see if I can actually finish.

What is Wrong With You People?

2005-04-18T10:42:00.000-04:00

Here in Tacoma today, it is 52 degrees and raining. This, incidentally, is the Official Spring Weather Forecast for western Washington. Not to be confused with the Official Fall Weather Forecast for western Washington (also 52 degrees and raining), the Official Winter Forecast (42 degrees and raining) or the Official Two Weeks in August if We’re Lucky Forecast (72 degrees and sunny).

I’m not terribly happy with these choices. Can I have some additional options, please? How about 95 degrees and sunny? (Stop laughing. It could happen.) The thing is, people around here love this weather. Take my boss, for example. She regularly breezes into the office on nasty, cold, rainy mornings in a frighteningly good mood.

“Good Morning, Kira!” she chirps. “Isn’t it a lovely day?”
“No!” I snap, glaring at her from behind my desk, where I am contemplating my anti-depressant options. “It’s cold, wet, dark, ugly, and awful. Are you on crack?” (Actually, I don’t say the part about the crack. I just think it.)
“It’s refreshing,” she counters. “It’s good for your skin! It makes the grass grow!”

This is an argument that I have no hope of winning. My boss has lived in Washington for her entire life. She saw the sun once, on a visit to Colorado, and claims it gave her a headache.

Surprisingly, her view seems to be quite common here in the Pacific NW. Not only do people enjoy this weather, but they actually enjoy going outside and doing things in the rain. Like camping, biking, hiking – those sort of things. I personally do not see the appeal. But then again, most of these people are in Washington by choice, whereas I am here by order of the US Army (G is in the Army, not me.) Still, there are many things that I really do enjoy about the Pacific Northwest: great seafood, Mt. Rainier, Starbucks, and quite a few really nice people – despite their bad taste in weather conditions.

G and I are moving to North Carolina in June, and I may actually miss this place. In fact, I’ll probably come back to visit. I just won’t bother hoping that the weather is going to cooperate.

Customer Satsifaction Fell off the Company Values Tree

2005-04-15T10:12:00.000-04:00

G and I are currently trying to sell our house. So far, we have not had any luck, so we went to our realtor’s office last week to sign the paperwork necessary to lower the price. As we were waiting in the conference room for the realtor, we found ourselves looking at a large tree that someone had painted on the wall opposite us. The tree covered almost the entire wall. On its branches were painted some of those annoying and meaningless words that corporations love so much – words like “initiative,” “teamwork,” “perseverance,” and “focus.”

Only one phrase, “customer satisfaction,” was not actually on a tree branch, but floating beside the trunk, about ten inches below the lowest branch. G pointed this out. “Customer satisfaction is not on the tree,” he observed. “What happened to customer satisfaction?”

“Hey, you’re right!” I said. “Customer satisfaction fell off the values tree!” At this point, we both started laughing hysterically. I'm not sure we should have found this quite so amusing, considering our position as customers.

So has no one in the real estate office noticed this? Because I’m not sure that this is the message they want to send to potential customers, but I’m not going to point it out to them.

One thing more: I find it interesting that “Attention to Detail” is conspicuously absent from the values tree. They need to work on that one.

Banana Carrot Tomato Lemon Grape Juice, Anyone?

2005-04-13T10:07:00.000-04:00

I was watching that infomercial for the Jack LaLaine Power Juicer yesterday morning around 5 am. It was hosted, of course, by Jack LaLaine, Fitness Phenomenon. (That’s actually the way his name is listed on screen. How exactly does one earn the title “Phenomenon” anyway? Can I be a Phenomenon?) Also featured in the infomercial was the obligatory perky female co-host, and a studio audience full of people who were, in my opinion, WAY too excited about juice.

Without question, my favorite part of this infomercial is the part during which they demonstrate just how easy it is to make quick and delicious juice from whatever you happen to have in your kitchen. The ingredient list usually looks something like this:

2 bananas (you don’t even have to peel them!)
1 slightly green tomato
2 carrots
1 bunch of grapes
Half a watermelon (no annoying seed removal necessary!)

The hosts will then proceed to smash this nasty concoction through the juicer, producing a greenish liquid with the consistency of sludge, which they will then feed to the studio audience members who, apparently under the influence of narcotics, pronounce it the best they’ve ever tasted.

Yeah, nice try, but I’m not buying it (no pun intended). In fact, I have a theory that the studio audience members for such infomercials are selected solely based on their ability to ingest revolting combinations of smashed produce without gagging. I’m actually pretty impressed with their ability in this area.

The scary thing is, somebody out there is buying this juicer. A full hour of television airtime cannot be cheap, even at 5 am, so presumably there is a market for this contraption, and Jack LaLaine has managed to find it. So all of you Power Juicer owners out there, I hope you’ll think of me tomorrow as you are enjoying your morning cranberry turnip beet rhubarb prune juice. I’ll be at Starbucks.

In the Event of Car Malfunction, Look Helpless and Cry

2005-04-12T09:38:00.000-04:00

The “check engine” light has recently gone on in my Jetta. This is problematic for a number of reasons, one of which being that now I will have to take it to the VW service center, and I hate going to the VW service center.

I know absolutely nothing about cars. Well, that’s not entirely true – I know how to put gas in one, but that’s about it. And if I’m being completely honest, I should also admit that I don’t really care to know anything about cars. If I wanted to take care of my own car, I wouldn’t have gotten married. This is also true of killing bugs, mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage. (Just kidding G!)

Anyway, G has suggested that a sensible solution to the problem of check engine light being on is to take it in for service. He didn’t like my proposed solution of ignore it and hope it goes away (which, I might add, has a surprisingly high success rate in the area of car repair. Not quite so high in the area of messy closet, though) Since one of us (him) has an actual full-time job with actual responsibilities, and the other one of us (me) tends to spend most days going to spinning class, drinking diet root beer and watching “Real World” marathons on MTV, I was elected as the one who gets to take the car in to get fixed.

But here’s the problem with this. Since I know nothing about cars, the VW folks could tell me ANYTHING and I’d have no choice but to trust them. For example, they might say “We’ve found the problem. It seems that your conorter is flobbering. This is a very serious problem. It will cost $900 to fix and we must do it immediately.” Now I, of course, have no idea what a conorter is, and I’m sure I’ll never comprehend the full significance of “flobbering”. But though I know nothing about cars, I am not stupid, so I am also fully aware that VW guys could be feeding me a bunch of crap. Then again, it is possible that they are not, and I would really like my car to continue working in its current manner (minus check engine light). So after much deliberation, I think that what I will do in this situation is call G. And if that doesn’t work, I can always cry. I think it’s an entirely reasonable reaction to the news. Conorter problems can be very traumatic. I know. I’ve been there.

The Relentless Pursuit of Ambiguity

2005-04-11T14:39:00.000-04:00

I work part-time doing marketing for a very large and well known financial services company. My job mostly involves writing copy for various marketing materials used to advertise the services of this company. Since I work in finance, it also involves sending everything I write to a lovely place called The Compliance Department, where my work gets undone and redone and comes back to me in a form completely unrecognizable.

Now before I go any further here, let me state for the record that I understand and recognize the need for the existence of the compliance department. I further understand that this need is based upon the company’s understandable desire to not get sued on a regular basis, rather than upon any desire to make my life miserable (this is just an added side benefit.) Still, this doesn’t make my dealings with compliance any less ridiculous.

For instance, I may write the following statement:

“We can help you achieve your financial goals.”

After it comes back from compliance, it looks more like this:”

“We may, possibly, under certain unique circumstances, and with your express consent, be able to provide certain types of guidance that may result in a possible move toward the achievement of certain, but not necessarily all, finance related goals set forth and created solely by you. But then again maybe not. On second thought, forget we said anything.”

Having dealt with this for over a year now, I am familiar enough with compliance accepted language that I know exactly which parts of my work will and will not be accepted by compliance before I write them. Why then, you may be asking, do I not write my copy in compliance-approved style before I send it? Because then my writing would be a) incoherent b) stupid-sounding and c) grammatically incorrect. And though I may produce this kind of writing on occasion, I refuse to produce it voluntarily. For me, that's an important distinction.

My Bog

2005-04-10T22:27:00.000-04:00

I've been having some motivation issues this year. Okay, actually since about the end of 2003. I find myself unable to commit to doing much of anything (unless you count my very dilligent and rapid viewing of all 27 episodes of season one of The O.C. - Did I mention that I'm 29?) So my mom suggested an an enjoyable (and at least semi-productive) hobby for me. "I think you should make your own Bog," she said. I think she meant Blog. I may, however, also create a Bog. I could dig one in back of my house. I live in Washington - it wouldn't be that difficult. On the downside, as G and I are trying to sell said house and get the hell out of Washington, the addition of Bog may have negative effect on property value. So for nowI guess I'll just concentrate on this Blog. Concentration is not one of my strengths, though, so we'll see how it goes....