I Believe in Choosing Your Priorities Wisely (my NPR essay)

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between two young women. They were discussing one of the favorite topics of women everywhere - weight loss. I don't know these women very well, but we work together on occasion, and I like them. They seem generally bright, friendly and fun. Neither of them needs to lose any weight, but that's not the point. It never is.

Their conversation was one that I've heard probably hundreds of times, but I was particularly struck by the following statement, made by one of the young women: "I just need to lose fifteen pounds," she said. "If I could lose fifteen pounds, I would be the happiest girl alive. I would be unstoppable."

And there were so many things I wanted to say. I would have started with "Really? Do you really, truly believe that? Because if the only thing preventing you from being unstoppable is fifteen pounds, you need to seriously reconsider the importance you are placing on fifteen pounds. You need to ask yourself why you are giving so much power to something so incredibly insignificant. Because there are a lot of real obstacles in this life, but this one is a choice. Why would you choose to be held back by something so dumb?"

But I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything because she is eighteen years old, and she just wouldn't get it. I didn't say anything because in my experience, this is a lesson that you learn the extremely hard way, or not at all. And I didn't say anything because sadly, this is what it means to be a woman in our society today. It means first losing the weight, and then being happy. It means working tirelessly and with fierce determination to make yourself look the 'right' way - and after that, maybe you'll think about asking for that promotion, or doing some volunteer work, or learning to play the oboe. And most frightening of all, it means not realizing that there is anything at all strange about this way of thinking.

There was a time when I would have jumped right into that conversation, and started fantasizing about how great my life would be if only I could get back down to a size four. But I don’t believe that anymore. Instead, I believe that this pervasive culture of body-hatred is not right. It’s not normal, and I don't have to participate. I believe in choosing my priorities wisely, and losing weight is no longer one of them. I wish I could say that this realization has made me unstoppable. It hasn't, of course, but I do think it is one less thing holding me back - most of the time, anyway.

So I have to wonder, what's keeping me from being unstoppable? Fear? Laziness? Inertia? I don't know - and maybe that's why I still need therapy. One thing I do know though, is that it's not fifteen pounds. Pretty much everything else in life is more important than fifteen pounds. This I believe.